Pete Hegseth’s taxpayer-funded, high-testosterone locker room military fantasy is bulging with hypocrisy

When it comes to being the manliest of men, nothing gets Pete “Pipes” Hegseth juiced up and roid-raged more than plenty of pumpers for his “Popeye” pipes. For “Pipes,” nothing says “lightweight, baby!” like low-T gym bros clocking in below 264 to 300 ng/d. Yeah, man. Pipes has a gym crush on yoked dudes with big guns. For real. I’m not gonna lie to you.Okay, enough of the bro talk from me, and most definitely enough from the juvenile delinquent gym bunny who happens to be the Secretary of Defense. If you haven’t heard, particularly if you’re a gym rat, Hegseth just announced mandatory annual testosterone screening for every service member 30 and older, dubbing it, and I swear to God I’m not making this up, “The High-T Department of War."Related: The Pentagon said transgender hormone care costs too much. Now Pete Hegseth wants testosterone boostsForget brains. Forget decorum. Forget teamwork. The only thing Hegseth requires from his troops is brawn, baby, brawn.Right now, as we speak, the living former Secretaries of Defense, including General James Mattis and General Lloyd Austin, and, from their graves, General George Marshall, General Alexander Haig, and General James Forrestal, are all screaming, "WTF!"The egocentric video has Hegseth talking about troops operating at their "absolute best," the kind of phrase that means nothing and yet somehow translates to: “Yo! I made another TikTok about toxic masculinity using taxpayer resources, and I’ll use those resources to buy more ‘T’ for my bros."We’ll get to the absurdity of that expenditure in a minute, but first, a quick trip through the Playgirlesque beef buffet Hegseth is sculpting under his so-called War Department and "warrior ethos."Let's start with one of his favorite numbers: 26. I know what you’re thinking, 26-year-old twinks, but no. That’s the new body fat percentage the Pentagon now allows a man to carry before he’s disqualified from looking "sharp, not sloppy," i