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Protecting the Family
You Chose

A few legal documents decide who can visit you in the hospital, who makes decisions if you cannot, and who inherits what you leave behind. For LGBTQ+ people, putting these in place is one of the most loving things you can do for your partner and chosen family.

Legal Guide Plain Language Free State Forms

The Law Has a Default. It Is Often Not Your People.

When someone cannot speak for themselves, or when they die, the law falls back on a default order: a spouse, then blood relatives. If you are not married, that can leave your partner with no legal say. And for many LGBTQ+ people, the biological relatives the law turns to are not the people who actually love and support them.

The documents below let you override that default and name the people you trust. Married couples gained many of these protections automatically after the 2015 Obergefell decision, but these documents still add a layer of protection, they matter enormously for unmarried partners and chosen family, and they help when you travel to or move through less friendly states.

The Good News

You do not need to be wealthy or hire an expensive lawyer to do this. Most of these documents are free to complete using your state's official forms, and the whole set can often be finished in an afternoon with a notary or witnesses. This guide walks you through each one.

The Four Documents Everyone Should Have

These four work together. You can complete them individually, and many state forms bundle the first two.

Who decides for you

Medical Power of Attorney

Also called a healthcare proxy or healthcare agent. It names the person you trust to make medical decisions for you if you become unable to. Without it, doctors turn to your legal next of kin, which may not be your partner or chosen family. This is the single most important document for most people.

Your wishes

Advance Directive / Living Will

Puts your wishes for medical care in writing, especially life-sustaining treatment, so your agent and doctors know what you want. It takes the weight of guessing off the people you love during a crisis. Often bundled with the medical power of attorney on a single state form.

Who can be there

Hospital Visitation Authorization

Names who may visit you and receive updates. Since 2011, federal rules require most hospitals to honor a patient's chosen visitors and prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity. A written designation removes any doubt, especially at facilities that do not know you.

What you leave behind

Will and Guardianship Designation

Directs who inherits your property and, critically for parents, names who would raise your minor children. Without a will, state law distributes your estate to legal relatives, not an unmarried partner or chosen family. If you are a parent, this ties directly to your adoption and parentage documents.

Do Not Forget the HIPAA Authorization

A HIPAA authorization lets the people you name talk to your doctors and see your medical records. Without it, even a spouse can be told "we cannot share that." It is a short form, often attached to the medical power of attorney, and it makes sure your agent can actually get the information they need to help you.

Putting It All in Place

1

Decide Who and What

Choose your medical agent and a backup, decide who inherits what, and if you are a parent, choose a guardian for your children. Talk to the people you are naming so they know and agree. These are conversations of trust, not just paperwork.

2

Get Your State's Forms

Advance directive and medical power of attorney forms are state-specific and available for free. CaringInfo offers a free, official form for every state (see the link below). For a will, you can use a reputable will service or an attorney, especially if your situation is complex or you have children.

3

Sign With the Right Witnesses or Notary

Each state has rules about how these documents must be signed. Most require witnesses, a notary, or both. Your state form will tell you exactly what is needed. Follow it carefully, because a document signed the wrong way may not hold up when it matters.

4

Share Copies With the Right People

Give copies to your medical agent, your partner or chosen family, and your doctor. Keep the originals somewhere safe but accessible, not in a bank vault no one can open in an emergency. Some people keep a card in their wallet noting where their directives are.

5

Keep Them Updated

Review your documents after major life changes: a new relationship, a move to a new state, a birth or adoption, or a loss. Laws and relationships change. A quick review every few years keeps everything current and valid.

Parents: This Connects to Your Adoption Documents

A guardianship designation in your will says who raises your children if you die, but it does not replace legal parentage. If you built your family through birth or assisted reproduction, completing a second-parent or confirmatory adoption is still the strongest protection for the non-biological parent. See our Adoption Guide for that step.

Get Your State's Documents

These trusted, maintained resources provide free, current forms and guidance for the state where you live.

Where to Get Help

CaringInfo

Free state-by-state advance directive and healthcare proxy forms, from the National Alliance for Care at Home.

caringinfo.org

SAGE

The country's largest organization for LGBTQ+ elders. Its National Resource Center on LGBTQ+ Aging covers directives and planning.

sageusa.org

Lambda Legal

Free legal help desk and know-your-rights resources for LGBTQ+ people, including healthcare and family protections.

lambdalegal.org

Family Equality

Resources for LGBTQ+ families, including parentage protection and planning for the family you are building.

familyequality.org
More Guides for Your Family

Building or protecting your family is a journey. See our Adoption Guide, Same-Sex Marriage Guide, and the Family Building Network for more ways to build and safeguard the family you love.

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