We Built Trump’s Perfect Man Based Off His Own Description

During the sprint to the 2026 midterm elections, President Donald Trump has been focused on what’s really important: No, not the affordability crisis. Not his cratering approval ratings, either. We’re talking, of course, about Trump’s incessant focus on men’s bodies — which, to be fair, are indeed a kitchen table issue in some gay households! The deeply unpopular incumbent has devoted quite a lot of rally time to complimenting the physical features of Republican politicians and male athletes over the last year. Most recently, he seems to have developed a fixation on Ohio Sen. Jon Husted’s backside, with Trump saying at multiple rallies that he “examined his ass” from behind. “I never did that with a man before,” the president added at a Kentucky rally earlier this month.All of this talk got us thinking: What would Trump’s perfect man look like? So we read through the archives, got out our scissors, and set to work making the Franken-hunk of his dreams. Below, please find our composite image of the men our Republican commander-in-chief, a staunch opponent of LGBTQ+ rights during his time in office, has complimented in recent months. And please bear in mind, this is the same president who has disrupted global HIV prevention funding, nominated a host of antigay and anti-trans judges, and attacked LGBTQ+ healthcare protections. Hair: Mike CollinsOur dream man’s white hair comes courtesy of Georgia Democratic Sen. Jon Ossoff’s Republican challenger, Mike Collins, a member of the U.S. House of Representatives. At an October 16 rally, Trump praised Collins using one of his favorite terms: “Central Casting.”“If I’m casting a movie for a senator, if I’m casting a movie for a senator- I like the white hair, I like the big, strong build. Big, strong guy,” he said.Face: Ed Gallrein / Jon HustedWe built our Franken-man’s face from two men whose features Trump loves: former Navy SEAL officer and current Republican House candidate Ed Gallrei