A beginner’s guide to BDSM: How to explore kink safely

This story originally appeared on Out.Vanilla sex is all well and good, but once you’ve mastered bottoming, oral, hand jobs, and frottage, you may find yourself craving something a little more exciting. If your sexual appetite is growing and you're finding yourself wanting to try bondage, spanking, and power exchanges, BDSM is worth exploring.The world of BDSM can seem opaque to the uninitiated, but for those who are curious, there is a whole world of kinky sex and psychological stimulation to explore.Whether you’ve been interested in BDSM ever since you saw Frank-N-Furter’s kink aesthetics or read Fifty Shades of Grey and wanted a “Red Room” of your own (though, you shouldn't use the novel as a guide to safe BDSM practices), or have only recently opened your mind to the possibility that you could be into kinky sex after watching Baby Girl or Pillion, you’re going to need expert advice before diving into this kinky world so that you can do it safely while having as much fun as possible. What is BDSM?BDSM — an acronym for bondage/discipline/sadism/masochism — refers to the act of “intentionally and consensually applying unbalanced power dynamics to a sexual scenario,” says Topher Cusumano, a sex and sexual health writer who produces shows about queer sex and kink as the co-founder of Daddy TV.“Think about the thrill of a horror movie that gets you sweating. It's very similar to being in a kink headspace, experiencing a physical reaction under safe, controlled circumstances,” Cusumano tells Out.BDSM is an umbrella term that can encompass everything from role-play and restraints to playing with power dynamics and spanking, with the core pillars of the practice being consent and communication. “Contrary to misconceptions, BDSM’s foundation is not pain,” says luxury dominatrix and kink educator Mistress Marley. “It’s consent and communication, paired with intentional power exchange. People talk about what they want, what they don’t, an