Why Lesbian Aunts Are the Backbone of Every Family

Did you know that today, July 13, is Lesbian Aunts Day? Did you even know that there’s an entire day devoted to the sapphic sisters of your parents? Well, there should be. Because lesbian aunts are the givers of the best birthday gifts and — I can only say this because I am one — the weirdos who make family hangouts interesting in the first place. When my only nephew first found out I was a lesbian, he pointed out with all the tact of an ’80s standup comic doing hacky “battle of the sexes” material, that women like to talk a lot. Therefore, he reasoned, two women in a relationship could lead to an excess of conversation. I can forgive him this offense because he was, like, eight years old at the time but also because he was right, maybe. Sometimes there is too much talking. I think he’s reformed now, but to be honest, I wouldn’t know.Because this is the beautiful thing about being a lesbian aunt, or at least one who only has to do childcare on rare occasions: You get to be a completely random and intermittent presence who arrives and leaves at will. To my nephew, I am the weird trans lady who wrote the Bigfoot book and who plays way too much Elden Ring when she comes home for Christmas. I have the hobbies of a gay recluse who has opted out of a heteronormative life trajectory. My nephew’s other aunts and uncles, though fascinating people, have more discernible rhythms. I am ungovernable.That doesn’t mean I’m not a kind lesbian aunt! It is important to meet the minimum basic requirements of the job. These include, but are not limited to, buying cake pops, playing kart racers, and watching those YouTube videos in which Australian guys drop things from great heights. Or maybe those are just specific to my role. Every lesbian aunt has a different collection of random tasks, and that’s what makes lesbian aunthood beautiful. Maybe you are the lesbian aunt who gives rides to soccer practice or perhaps you are the lesbian aunt who knows how to do a p